Since I was a child1 I had the weird ability to learn different kind of crafts I feel unable to list now. That made me an engineer, but also made me a miniature sculptor while I was studying to be an engineer, funny huh?
Since I was a child I was unable to stop.
Now I’m getting older and after months of therapy I have a name to what I was suffering: high functioning anxiety.
Last years have been an ocean of pain for me –physically and mentally speaking. I don’t want to be ashamed of talking about it, there’s no reason for that, this have been so deeply inserted in my personality and in my way to experiment with my reality that it have been able to rule everything around me. It removed many beautiful moments from my life, it destroyed my health and many of my human relationships. It broke me in way that is unrepairable.
That’s an expensive price to pay.
All those issues and negativity had a counterpart: I have been an addict to that kind of life so much time that is normal for me. My illness made me a full time learner. Therapy, self control and being surrounded by people with a great heart gave me some balance.
Nowadays I’m not only able to learn whatever I want to, now I’m able to enjoy the process and start it or stop it deliberately. I’m starting to control it. Even if it’s a chimpanzee, there’s someone driving this knowledge crashing bulldozer. Sometimes the chimpanzee gets distracted and accidentally crushes a mailbox, but I guess it’s part of the process –it’s learning to focus, don’t be so hard on it.
At times I remember all the pain this carried and I feel bad. Or all the pain comes again because the chimpanzee is playing with a shotgun instead of making what it’s supposed to do. This place is a remainder of all the other parts. This place is going to make me feel better when I’m crying because all the things I’ve lost, reminding me all the things that I got back.
All the projects shared in this website, even the website itself, are the result of the aggressive procrastination produced by anxiety, which now, for me, is something I enjoy as part of my life. It has led me to so many fantastic places I can’t remember them all.
This website is going to remind you all who deal with anxiety there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
It was an expensive price to pay, but I’m the result of my experience independently if it’s good or bad as you are the result of yours and, like it or not, our experience is not something we can choose. Thankfully, we can, with effort, decide to accept it –and like it– as it is.
It wasn’t that long ago. I can still remember it. ↩